Friday, August 22, 2008

The Phantom...

Menace! No, but that was an awesome movie :o) The Phantom of the Opera! Nope, but what a classical love story that is. What about The Phantom Nipple? HA! That got your attention didn't it? ;o)

I'm sure you've all heard about the 'phantom limb' that people experience when they lose a leg, arm, finger, etc. Even though that part of their body is no longer there, at times they still get sensations as if it were. Apparently, this includes nipples as well :oS

As most of you know, I no longer have 'identical twin girls' ;o) For those of you who are new to my Blog, I had a radical mastectomy on my right side back in 2000 due to breast cancer. During that operation I had reconstruction surgery but all I have is a bump with no cherry on top. LOL!

There have been times over the years that I've had this sensation where that right nipple should be. Basically, it's like an itch that you can never scratch >:o( And that's pretty much what it feels like, an itch. It can drive me bonkers! I can scratch it all I want but it's like rubbing your lip after you've had it frozen at the dentist's office. Do you get my frustration? Probably not ;o)

I have a family wedding to go to in a few weeks and I'm having a dilemma with my dress. Because of the way the top is cut, none of my bras will work so that means I either go 'commando' or I try a strapless bra. Dilemma number two...because the girls are no longer twins, there is a significant difference when they are let loose or not held together properly ;o) My job is to find a strapless bra that will be comfortable and provide support. Does such a beast even exist????

Another problem I encounter a lot is the nippy 'hard on'. You know what I mean girls, when it's too cold outside ;o) looks kind of funny when only one pops up. In this instance, I have some options as well. I could have one surgically put on but my surgeon and plastic surgeon have tried for years to convince me but knowing where the 'extra' comes from, they can keep trying until they're blue in the face ;o)

Option two is to buy some nipple covers. Yes, believe it not, they do exist! That way, the little 'ready when done' pop up nodules are restrained and you look, well, just very well rounded ;o) The last option is to buy a nipple. Okay, maybe I should have mentioned earlier that you should have put down your coffee or tea before reading this post :oP Such a thing can be bought and I've even seen one. They're like suction cups with a bump. I never did ask how they stay on though... Just imagine you could actually create your own third nipple like Chandler on Friends! ROFL!


~V said...

lol all I can say is thank goodness you have a great sense of humour! I hope you figure out your nipple dilemma!

Anonymous said...

Oh Cathey!! ... LOL I keep thinking of Cherry bakewells!!(Cake with cherries on top!)
I think Nipple covers would be best as you never know where the other 'nipple' would end up, as I suppose they are stuck on and you may end up with a 'lazy eye' if you get my meaning.
And I wouldn't actively go out with 'nippy hard on's' myself....I would wear a cardigan/jacket Oh dear ROFLMAO
I love the way you write your posts((Hugs))

~Tammy said...

You are more hilarious than I already believed you to be! I'm telling you, how you take a life changing event and entertain me with your outlook, is a gift indeed!

I want to cry in sadness for you, but you make my cry from laughter. You are one special woman with a wonky nipple or not!

Anonymous said...

lol You do make me laugh! I think you should go for covers. When I was younger the girls used to just put those little round corn plasters over their nips to stop the 'nip-on' effect ;o)

Anonymous said...

I've been sitting here reading and chuckling with my hand covering my mouth thinking: you're not supposed to laugh!! But I just had to, you're too funny!
Sadly I have no good advice to offer... I hope you find the answer!

Pam said...

Girl - you could do stand-up comedy for all us survivors !! (I can sure relate) - Good luck!

nursy said...

OMG, what a dilema!

As for the itch, I's not a nipple, however, I had stomach surgery years ago, and around the scar sometimes gets very itchy, but...I can't scratch it because I can't feel it. Feels exactly like rubbing your lip after the dentist freezes it. IT'S MADDNING!!!

tape, try tape...I hear the stars all swear by it. LOL

OH Pumpkin! I love your blog!

Ranae said...

You have me thinking and chuckling, crazy girl!

Chiloe said...

Don't worry about it: my grand ma showed me her scar where they removed her breast (and didn't get reconstruction - they didn't do it on that time.) It was not really nice to see that (the skin was burnt from radiation too.)

Hope you find a solution so the 2 girls stand up, proud to be there ;-)

Christine said...

I remember a Sex and the City episode where they used the "suction cup" nipples because apparently nipples that stand out attract men's attention better (hmmmm, wonder why that could be??).

Hilarious post!

Olenka's Stitches said...

Really, what a dilema! And what a woman you are!!!
Well,...very well rounded - sounds best. I am for the nipple covers.

CathE said...

(Mops up coffee before it ruins the keyboard forever lol!). Good luck with your dilema. I hope you work it out. And if you ever find a strapless, supportive and comfortable bra, please let me know!

Karen said...


mumzy said...

I am happy to see that you can still look at life with a chuckle. You are a wonderful person and we are very proud of you. DH knows what the itch problem is as after he lost his finger, He was a long time before that feeling went away. I thought they made a special bra with clear straps just for an occasion such as you are having. Hopefully, you will find the perfect solution to your problem. {{{Hugs}}}

Kendra said...

Interesting dilemma you have there...can't help but to chuckle about it, especially in the humorous way you've discussed it. :-)

Sharon said...

You are too funny!
Can't wait to hear what you decided to use on the sisters. xoxo

Sonda in OR said... that's a puzzler. So many possibilities that I never knew existed. Let us know if you find that perfect bra!!!

Jocelyn said...

Oh Cathey, you are too much! Your outlook on life is fabulous, I am so glad to know you!

I vote on the covers. Hell, baby, I may get myself some of those. I seem to be an --erm-- eternally "perky" person in that way, and man, that's awkward when wearing tight clothes (ie: the gym). No folks, I'm not THAT excited to be here!

Daffycat said...

Happy bra shopping...not a fun task even if you had twins. I vote the nipple covers unless you can train the one girl to always pop so she matches.

Love your make me happy.

Crazee4books said...

Hi Cathey,

Wow, we've come a long way from
the days when we use to stuff
kleenex inside our bras for that
little extra bling.

They've certainly thought of just
about everything when it comes to
providing just the right solution
for the various physical require-
ments which might come up. You
really can get anything, for a

I don't recall ever being brave
enough to try a strapless bra
before. So good luck with that.

Hmmm...and I said your fart posts
were my favourites. I think we
may have a new winner here.

You're doing a great job of
letting us know what realities
are out there without being
harsh or crude or bitter.


Anonymous said...

I really wish you'd put that warning at the beginning of your post, instead of the end ... now I have to clean the monitor!! ;o)
I so love your ability to take something stressful & make it funny!! You rock, girl!!

stitcherw said...

You manage to write such amazing entries on such a tough subject. I'm always surprised at how you can take the issue and interject such humor to your posts. You really should put your various entries together someday, they'd be wonderful support reading for others in the situation. The itch must drive you nuts. I had a hysterectomy a number of years ago, and have a pretty good size scar. Areas around it have no feeling. I'll get an itch sometimes, and like you when I go to sratch there is no feeling. I can poke, scratch, whatever, nothing. It is the weirdest sensation. Like others said I'd go with the nipple cover, one less thing to worry about. Good luck finding a bra that does everything you need.

Coral said...

My mum has had a mastectomy. She had nipple reconstruction, and they 'shaved' a half of her remaining nipple - the thinnest piece ever - it did not remove the whole nipple - and then separated that (somehow) and put it in the right place. It still looks good 20 years later, although, no smuggling smarties for her! She tends to wear a loose shirt over her teeshirts to disguise the difference in size and shape.

Sharon said...

I sure learned some things in your post I didn't know-nipple shields?I know about them for breastfeeding-but never considered them for that little condition. I could use them myself-LOL I am sure that you will get it all figured out!

Rachel S said...

I would go with the nipple covers. Though the third nipple could be cool!

There is a surprise waiting for you on my blog.

Lori-Ann said...

Still no luck with this problem, hunh? Hope you find a solution before the wedding.

Cindy said... have such a sense of humor with such tough topics :)

Personally, I try to avoid those "nippy 'hard on'" situations at all would have to vote hands down against trying to even all of that part of it out...I am all about the armor :)

Aussie Stitcher said...

You just helped me have a massive tummy laugh, aaahhh!!!!
Hope that you find a solution.