Monday, August 06, 2007

It's Time For A New Boob

LOL! You heard me right :o) I didn't think I was going to post about it on my Blog but hey, I've already covered farts, snot and underwear, so why not add to the list?

As some of you may know, I had breast cancer back in 2000. I had a radical mastectomy of the right breast followed by a saline implant. Because they removed so much tissue, there wasn't much for the plastic surgeon to work with so I was given a Fake Right B Boob (FRB) and my Real Left Boob (RLB) was reduced down to a B as well :o) Well, over the years my weight has fluctuated and of course with weight gain we all know it can add itself to any part of your body. That and gravity :o( Some of mine was added to RLB.

I never really gave the mismatch much thought. I was just happy that it looked like I had two real boobs. I doubt that anyone off the street, that didn't know me, would be able to guess otherwise. But, as 2007 started, I began to notice a big change between FRB and RLB. In the colder weather I only had one nipple and in the warmer weather I was lopsided. LOL! Talk about a dilemma! On top of that, trying to find a bra that fit was a nightmare! I couldn't find the one I was wearing anymore and most of the bras out there had under wires and are designed for two boobs that are somewhat symmetrical. When you can actually "see through" your bra, you know it's time for a new one ;o)

I knew I probably wouldn't find what I was looking for in the regular stores so I started investigating mastectomy products. Going with a breast prosthesis after my surgery was something I never even considered. The thought of carting around a heavy, jelly beanbag didn't thrill me at all. Then, about a month ago, I finally got the nerve to call and see what they had to help my unique, or so I thought, situation.

Well...let me tell you, they have quite the array of products! They have your full breast, partial breast, bras and yes, even nipples :o) DH was quite excited about the last one, dreaming of different areas on one's body to attach them to. LOL! For me, I needed something that was going to increase the size of my FRB so I went with a breast prosthesis that looks like a full breast but it has an indent in the back of it for my bump to fit into. I could not believe the difference when I tried it on. I actually looked like I had a "full rack" again ;o) I can even shift it around in different angles, lol!

Now the bras are something else. I don't ever recall having a bra that fit so well! The only difference, compared to a regular bra, would be the two "front pockets" for the prosthesis and the price. You think a Warner's bra is expensive... I joked with the girls about my new bras, commenting that I could use the pockets to smuggle floss across the border ;o) Once I have the prosthesis and the bra on, I don't even notice it. The weight disappears. It's almost fun to stick out my boobs now. Hee, hee!

The thing that shocked me the most was that Blue Cross covered the prosthesis 100% but would not cover the bras at all. Do they even understand? I mean, how am I supposed to wear my fake booby when I've got nothing to attach it with? It just seems weird. But guess what? I can have a new boob every two years! Imagine that ;o)

This whole experience just seems so funny to me. When I went and picked up my prosthesis, I ended up taking the wrong size home. Do you know how odd it sounds to call up and say that you got the wrong boob in the box???? How can you keep a straight face when they tell you that your new boob has a two-year guarantee???? I asked the girl if there was a maximum mileage as well ;o) You know, the five-year guarantee or 100,000 miles.

I hope I have not offended anyone with this post because that is not the purpose at all. This blurb was meant to be lighthearted and funny and something that I want my friends, family, readers to enjoy reading :o) I know all about the deep impact that breast cancer can have on oneself but I refuse to sit in a corner and feel sorry for myself. I don't mind talking or joking about my experiences, in fact, I hope that someday I can help someone out there that is going through the same thing. The boobs don't make the woman...our souls make us who we are.


Lori-Ann said...

Oh, Sistah... you are very funny. By the tone of your writing I can tell you'd rather laugh than cry. ;) You now have new "tires" for retreat!...don't let anyone kick them

I bought a device to try and cover my overactive nipples. A very painful experience that was,lol. I'm sure an evil man designed those things.

Aging is doing nothing kind to "the puppies". Mine are lazy 'ole porch dogs.

Jamie said...

WHOO HOO! Good for you. I'm glad you are happy with the new boob and new bra. A good friend of mine has started an organization: that works with cancer survivors and those going through cancer from the outside in. Her mother's story is one that I've gotten to witness throughout my life and to say it's been a roller coaster is an understatement. Last year she held a fashion show in NYC with all survivors as models and there was not a dry eye left in the house. One woman had just finished her last round of chemo and radiation that day. The strength of survivors is amazing!

nursy said...

lol, sounds like we might be playing...."one of these boobs is not like the other" at retreat this year instead of swinging tassels!

Itching To Stitch said...

I love this post. What a great outlook you have on things. I'm so glad that got what you wanted, right down to the nipple ;)

Faith Ann said...

LOL Congrats on the new FRB. Floss pockets are a great idea too!

Your latest biscornu is really pretty... I love the colours!

Lori-Ann said...

bahahahahahaha...nursy cracks me up.

Jenn said...

Congrats on your new boob Cathey. Thanks for shareing you story with us. I love reading your blog. You always manage to bring a smile to my face. :) <--- See!

Karen said...

dare we ask if you got DH some 'extra' nipples to attach?
congratulations on your new FRB

Alberta ('Berta) said...

Cathey, to say I was laughing myself the the point where I had to make a quick washroom break...would be an understatement!

Your spirit shines through your blog! Thanks for such an uplifting blog entry and the 'other gift' is greatly appreciated as well!

God Bless!

Pam said...

Great post, Cathey! Thoroughly could relate, as buying bras is a challenge for me, too. 14 year-old lumpectomy left me with "naked" mismatching. Funny how the one that had the surgery is actually the perkier one! LOL!

Love ya!

stitcherw said...

What a great way of looking at it, you wrote it up so cute and funny. I loved the comment about the wrong boob in the box. I'm so glad that you were able to find something that worked so well. It's amazing that the insurance wouldn't cover the bra too, you would think common sense would tell them it was necessary. Oh well, no one said some insurance carriers had any common sense.

Lili said...

Cathey, this is an amazing post and I have made a link to your blog in my latest post because I think so many people should share the pleasure of reading it... You can be very proud of yourself: the way you take things makes you a very special person.
Thanks for the smile you brought on my face.
Big huge hugs, Lili

Lelia said...

great post -- don't you just want to take those insurance idiots to task?