Monday, January 28, 2013

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Yup, literally!

DH, Junior and I went down to Lunenburg on Saturday and I was all spiffed up; looking good with my new bob hairstyle and feeling great because the swelling had been keeping itself down for almost a week. There was hair coming out when I styled it that morning but not enough to panic over and the stuff remaining on my head was pretty solid.

Come Sunday, the dam let loose! I was noticing lots of hair here and there so I went to the bathroom tub to shake it out. One graze of my hand brought out a small handful of brown, and then another, and another. So much had come out that I looked like someone had stuck a hair piece on the top of my balding head! It just kept coming and coming so finally I just told DH to buzz it. It was time...

Okay, I 'thought' I was prepared for it but when I took one look at myself in the mirror after DH was finished, my heart just sank :o( The only way I can describe it is that I looked like an old sick woman. The top of my head still had about a half an inch of hair but the back and the sides where all patchy. Why couldn't I just go straight to the bald point? Would it make it any better? I don't know. Sigh!

Now I sport a hat around the house. I have yet to face the world... I look tired, sad and deflated. My self esteem has taken a HUGE beating, which will certainly affect my confidence. My little boy looks at me and laughs because he thinks Mommy is clowning around with things on her head. If he only knew the truth.

And it hurts. Yes, losing your hair like this does hurt and I'm not sure why. Have you even woken up from a good sleep and had your hair messed up the wrong way so that it's very tender to touch? That's exactly what it feels like, but all over. Well...where I have hair left that is ;o)

I haven't cried yet. I haven't really had much of a reaction at all and that worries me. I feel like someone has driven over me with a truck but that might be from all the walking I did on Saturday. But maybe not. I think this has taken quite a toll on me mentally. I just don't know how to react. I thought for sure I would cry but what I feel is more like numbness.

If you look at the positive side of things (and I believe you have to in order to make it through something like this), my showers will be A LOT faster! LOL! No more shampoo, conditioner, brushes, hair dryers, flat irons, hairspray, elastics, haircuts...I could go on :o) What a weird feeling.

I also get to wear hats and lots of them! So far I have about half a dozen. I'm trying to track down a pumpkin hat and something a little outrageous. Hell, I might as well have fun with this while I can! I have to have the ability to laugh at myself otherwise the seriousness of our situation would kill me.

We meet with the Oncologist on Wednesday and as long as my blood work comes back okay, I'll have my second chemo treatment on Thursday. I doubt I'll have any news for you. He wants me to have at least 2-3 treatments before they do another scan. We can only continue to hope that this all works. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me or have kept me in your thoughts. There's definitely enough of you so maybe the cancer will be scared away ;o)

 

59 comments:

Stephanie M. said...

I cannot imagine what you are going through. My friend went through losing her hair through chemo and when it came back it was curly. Just try and find the silver lining.

As always my thought and prayers are with you.

Melissa said...

I know it's tough, but you have such a positive outlook. Continuing prayers for you during all of this. Good luck at the scan!!!

Anne said...

Oh my dear Cathey, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. My mom felt exactly the same way you did and she ended up just wearing scarves on her head instead of the wigs she got because they were itchy. The not crying, crying part will come and when it comes it will be a waterfall. I hope that you get through this and continue to find fabulous hats to wear! Big hugs and prayers to you!!

April said...

I do not know how it feels to be going through what you are with the treatments. My mother had Breast Cancer and I did go through all the treatments along side her. She is a very private person. Would not let me know how she felt or if she was sick. I want you to know that I am praying for you and your family. Thanks for keeping us updated on your care and thoughts.. Love seeing the pictures of Jr (little one!!)

Michelle-ozark crafter said...

I will keep praying for you darling Pumpkin and send loving huggles your way.

Cindy said...

Thoughts and prayers for you and your family. My father has been bald as long as I can remember; his favorite saying is God made only a few perfect heads. The rest he covered with hair. Sport your perfection.

~*Sharee*~ said...

I'm so very sorry your going thru this hun; it's so unfair. I know your a very strong lady and you will someday look back at all of this your going thru and know you beat this horrible disease. Keep your chin up and always know your thought of and loved by many...

Hugs, Shar

Mouse said...

yooo hoooo .... what you are going through is perfectly normal for one in your "condition " I have talked to many friends who have gone through the treatment and they all felt the same ...
on the plus side as you say are the hats and pity it isn't halloween you'd find a pumpkin hat then ..lol and all those jazzy head scarves when it gets warmer too :)
you are in my thoughts every day :)
take care my friend (((HUGS))) love mouse xxxx

Gabi said...

Hi Cathey, so good to read from you. You are in my thoughts and prayers!
When I read the post I realized that the fighting side of you is coming out and your humor!
Take care!
Big hugs from Germany

WendyCarole said...

sending you hugs

Cath said...

You will let go when it's the right time, and it's ok to grieve for the loss of your hair.
Go for it with the big hats ,I will be thinking of you this week .
Take care of yourself .XXX

Valma said...

only people who had the 'experience' can really understand how you're feeling :-/
I just can imagine....
everybody reacts in a very different way, I'm sure I would cry all the tears of my body
Maybe you should try to take Junior's laughs as the right way to react, for him you're the most beautiful Mum of the world with hair or not =)
he is right, the most important thing is that you're here with him...
I'm behind you to fight the world
lot's of love
big hugs
xxx

Chris said...

Wow. What a shock this must have been. I think that the hard part is over. Now it is finding a new style, hat? scarfs(turban), wig?
I hope that it will grow back quickly and maybe as a bonus you will get some curl :)
Hugs!

Julie said...

Good luck for Wednesday, my thoughts will be with you for excellent results.

I have a very close friend who experienced this and after her recovery and her hair had grown back, a couple of years later she decided to have it all shaved off again to raise funds for the breast cancer charity. She raised loads and said that it did her the world of good as this time it was her choice and she was proud to tell all that asked that she had done it as a survivor this time and not as a patient.

much love xxx

Siobhán said...

(((((((((((((((((Cathey)))))))))))))

Annie said...

Oooh... this is one of the toughest psychological parts of the treatment, I'm sure. I never thought about the head hurting after this.

Sending you more love, good thoughts and best wishes on finding the coolest hats in town!

Danielle said...

Pumpkin, so sorry you are going through this!! I cried for you. I cannot imagine losing my hair. I am sure I would feel the exact same way you do. You are in my prayers daily.

Chocolates4Breakfast (TerriBoog) said...

I was actuallly praying for you on my way in to work today, Cathy. I am sad to see your note and can only imagine how you feel. I wish there were something I could do but I will continue to lift you up in prayer. Still need your address, please....

XOXOXO

natalyK said...

My heart is with you. Although I have never had such health issues I am in the healthcare industry and have seen many clients go through it. Try to think of it as a journey on the road to recovery. Stay well and keep your spirits up during these difficult times. I am thankful that your son doesn't understand and is spared the pain of seeing you sick.
Lots of luck and healing wishes being sent your way.
Nataly

Vickie said...

Oh Cathey!! Dear, sweet Cathey. I am crying for you. More importantly I am praying for you. God bless you.♥

Christina said...

We are a scary bunch - the cancer doesn't stand a chance! :0)
You are such an attractive lady Cathey with or without hair. I'm loving the sound of a pumpkin hat! When my friend went through chemo (twice and won the battle both times) she had a different wig for every day of the week. I didn't know if I'd be meeting up with a red-head, blonde or brunette!
I think of you often. I am not particularly religious but I do have the occasional conversation with God and I mention you every time.
Take care Cathey. Much love from across the pond. X

Wendy said...

I can't imagine what it must feel like to lose your hair - its actually been a nightmare of mine that I gladly wake up from. But when you look in the mirror, try to remember to look past the visual and see and feel the beautiful you that is inside. I know if I were to see you in person, that is who I would see. {{{hugs}}}

Jenn M said...

Oh, Cathey; there are many hearts hurting for you right now. It doesn't matter if you're not crying-that will come and right now you probably need the strength for other things. I can't even imagine how hard this must be, but it's very encouraging to see you can still make light of it at times. God Bless!
JEnn

Teresa said...

I know the bible says a womens hair is her crowning glory but really it is what is in your heart that is your true crowning glory.
I know it is hard and you want to be strong but a good cry will probably do you good.
Lots and lots of prayers coming your way.
Teresa's Heartfelt Stitches

dixiesamplar said...

I am so sorry for what you are having to go through my friend! You are always in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope that you can find some peace with the loss of your beautiful hair...I know that has been a blow, but you are still the same beautiful and lovely person you were with hair :-) Many it's time to have that cry?? My granny always said that tears were God's way of healing our hurts.


You have such a strong spirit and drive to battle and win this fight, so you hang in there and I;ll be sending hugs and well wishes your way!

Rita said...

(((((((((Cathy)))))))

Carol said...

Darn! I was so hoping you would not lose it, Cathey... Leave it to you to see the bright side of things, though--you truly will be able to get ready in the mornings in a flash now :)

Your positive outlook, courage, and hope inspire me every day... Huge hugs to you, my friend!

Carolyn said...

Cathey,

Hair or no hair your still a beautiful person as it radiates from within.

I'm keeping you in my daily prayers.

I'm sending lots and lots of cyber {{{Hugs}}}.

♥ Nia said...

How can you be sad? Your little peanut laughs!! You always make him happy ;) heheheh

Don't juldge yourself, I'm pretty sure all that mix of reactions is the most normal thing! And each person has their own way to deal with things, there's no right or wrong, just let things out!
Come here and write to us, we will read and you will let it out!

And now you get to do all those things we always wanted to try and never did: wear all kind of hats, pretty scarfs and maybe a sexy wig ;) ehehhehe
Stay strong my friend!! We will scare the cancer away!!

Christina said...

I am so sorry you have to go through this again. My heart just breaks for you. I firmly believe that all of our prayers will make an impact on your recovery. I keep you in my daily prayers and will continue to do so.

(((HUGS)))

Laura said...

You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, Cathey. You know, a good friend had breast cancer last year and resisted wearing a wig for the longest time. Then she finally gave in and she loved it! As a matter of fact the wig was reddish, unlike her usual hair color, and she liked it so much that when her own hair grew back she had it dyed to the same shade. Get wiggy with it, you might like it! ((HUGS))

Karen said...

Oh...I so hate it for you, but you always have the best attitude and I think that will be a big boost to your recovery and kicking this thing!

Cole said...

Sending big hugs your way!!! I would love to see you in a big fancy hat! Find something that would outshine the royalty ;) <3

diamondc said...

Still praying for you Pumpkin and hoping all is well on wednesday.
Catherine

Parsley said...

Words fall short but know my thoughts are with you. Hugs

Linda said...

Oh Cathey. Don't worry about the hair loss. I lost most of mine when I went thru chemo. It came back in curly. First time I cut it (I keep it short), the curls were cut off and didn't come back. Now I am bald on the top and a round bald spot on the back (like a baby gets), but you know what I'm still here. I get called sir all the time. It use to bother me, but I just figure that they are blind idiots. My answer is WHATEVER. Don't let it bother you. If people don't like look at it - they don't have to. Your friends and family don't care as your as your still with us.

Linda

Pam in IL said...

[[[HUGS]]] I'm so sorry you're going through this. My mom always said that losing her hair due to her chemo was God's way of giving her more time to do the important things.

Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!

Annette said...

Ow My Cathey..
What can I say..

I think your such a strong woman.
How your dailing with this..
I've so much respect for you.

That little boy is laughing about his mommy, let him laugh. it will make you lauh.. just like Nia said, wear funny hats..

I'm thinking off you.. this treatment will work@@@ at the end.. you can see yourself giving a hair tiem coming your new hait.. many you will get curls

Take care..
Give your little boy a big hug

Nancy said...

Many prayers being said for you...{{{HUGS}}}

Maggee said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you too sweetie! You shouldn't keep in your feelings, WHEN they come in! I'm sure you will feel good once you cry! I still get called 'sir' or 'mister' cause my hair is kept short... WHATever... Biggest hugs to you!

Catherine said...

No words can convey how I am feeling...continued thoughts, prayers and many hugs your way...

Melanie said...

I can only imagine what a shock it is. At least the older gents have years and years to go bald - they would cry (as we all would) if they lost it all in one day. Continued thoughts and prayers for you!!!!! *hugs*

MaryO said...

When your hair grows back you will look back on this and laugh! And it WILL grow back!

Praying for you daily and sending you healthy healing thoughts. luv. MaryO

Harmien said...

I like what Cindy's dad said...LOL!!
As so many others have already said: your strength and sense of humour are inspiring and will help you through this. You are in my thoughts. Hang in there!!!

Myra said...

I pray for you daily my friend. If anyone can scare that cancer away - we can. Big hugs...

Alberta said...

Write your sad times in sand,
Write your good times in stones.
George Bernard Shaw

{{{Hugs}}}

Stitchinowl said...

Oh Cathey, Don't worry about the hair, it will grow back. I agree, you have to try to laugh about it or the situation will overwhelm you. Continuing to pray for you.
Hugs, Carolyn

passionfruitprincess said...

I hope you feel better soon, I am so sorry for such a hard time you are having. May the Lord bless you and your family.

LAINEY said...

Keeping you and the family in my thoughts and prayers Cathey (((Hugs)))

Renee said...

Praying for you! I just cannot imagine what you are going through. Sending you some great big hugs!!

Katie said...

Well if you go outrageous, it had better be with tassels :)

Hope everything goes well today+++

Frances said...

Thinking of you today and hoping that you are able to get the chemo and that it will not be too hard on you. Praying for healing.

Stress Less said...

I'm praying for you too.

Robin said...

You have such a fabulous outlook. Hugs and prayers to you.

stitcheranon said...

Mine fell out big time in the shower. The weight of the water just made it drop out..and then I realised there was hair hanging everywhere, from everything which stuck out. I looked like Cousin It from the Adams family. You just need to get used to it. Lots of funky hats and scarves, a glam wig ( I loved my wig: I called her Samantha) and you have lots of looks all in one. Plus you dont have to shave your legs or underarms and will have a bikini line out of this world. Try to find things to smile at and keep going. Sending lots and lots of hugs.

Brigitte said...

You are in my thoughts ....

Marie said...

I respect and admire your strength.

I have a pattern for a crochet Pumpkin baby hat but I know it would never fit you. :D There are some fun hats out there...if only I was a better knitter I would whip you up one!

Wishing you strength, sending you hugs and keeping you in my prayers.

Gert said...

Cathey...you're in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time. Wish there was more I could do for you...but just know we're all caring for you has to give you a warm...loving feeling!

Blessings,
Gert

Lynn said...

Your outside appearance may have changed but you're still the same wonderful person inside. Always remember that! It certainly helped me.
I'll continue to keep you in my prayers. Your name goes into our prayer box at church each week.