Monday, January 14, 2013

Goodbye My Locks

Sigh...this is going to be another hard post for me to write but I thought you should be aware what is going on around here at the Pumpkin Patch.

I know my last update was kind of positive even though I was quite tired. Unfortunately, the further we got into December, the worse things got :o( Yes, I did finish my Cycle 2 even though I was quite ill the very last day of my treatment. Yes, we did go back to NB for the Christmas holidays and it was great! It will be listed as one of the best Christmases in my books :o)

But on Boxing Day evening I found myself in the Saint John hospital getting another stint put in, this time on my left side. This was THE worst hospital experience I've ever had! DH and I only got to talk to the doctor before the surgery and we were told that the tube was inflamed and not blocked. Other than that, we have no idea what he saw when he put the stint in. I was discharged without consultation >:o( And my doctors here STILL don't have that report!

It seems that my cancer does not like me at the moment because it was not responding well with the first Chemo treatment like we had thought. Towards the middle of December it started attacking my lymphatic system, causing fluid to build up in my groin area and my right thigh. This makes things very uncomfortable and debilitating unless I stay off my feet but how easy is that with a nine month old????

Like that wasn't enough, around the same time I developed Inflammatory Breast Cancer :o( It started on my left breast and has spread across my chest even though Righty is just an implant. Apparently there is still 'some' breast tissue left on that side. I thought I had written about IBC on my Blog years ago but I cannot find the post. For me, it started innocently enough with a bruise-like appearance on the underside of my left breast but it quickly developed into a red rash. But the real telltale sign of IBC is when the skin turns to an orange peel appearance and feel. It's very tender and sore and unfortunately there is nothing they can do about it. My only hope is that the Chemo will work and the inflammation will go down with time.

Speaking of Chemo, since my first one didn't work I am now on a new one that I have to get by IV every three weeks. It only takes about a half an hour to administer and I can get it the same time I get my Pamidronate so there are no extra trips to the 'little city'. The only unfortunate part is that I will lose my hair :o( Sniff! I love my hair but I am preparing myself. I'm getting it cut shorter on Wednesday so hopefully when it does come out; it won't be as much of a shock. DH has already bought me three hats for my wardrobe :o)

Needless to say, my spirits have been quite low. I mean, how much more can one person take???? But I won't be beaten and I'm ready to fight again. If only this Chemo would work and take away some of the symptoms, I would be SO happy! I'm tired of the pain and the fact that it's taking even more time away from doing things with Junior. 

I hate the fact that my Blog has become such an unhappy place :o( I have considered closing it down but I love Blogging and I love keeping in touch with my Blogging friends. I'll keep it going for now. I'm doing a bit more stitching so if I can just get some time to take some pictures, maybe I can get this Blog back on track.  I want to thank everyone for sticking with me through this adventure :o)

 

60 comments:

Danielle said...

Oh, my sweet Pumpkin! So sorry to hear of all of this. My thoughts and prayers are with you that you will traverse this difficult time in your life and come out on the other side glorious!

Teresa said...

Know that lots and lots of prayers are coming your way.
Teresa's Heartfelt Stitches

Christina said...

Oh dear, I am sorry that you are having such complications. I contiune to keep you and your family in my prayers. Keep on fighthing we are all behind you.

Vickie said...

Oh Dear Cathey! I am so very, very sorry. I had to stop reading halfway through. I just prayed for you, right here with tears dripping down. I am so very, very thankful you have not stopped blogging. Thank you for making the time to post for us. Take care and never, ever lose your faith!

cucki said...


Oh dear ..! So sorry to hear of all of this. My thoughts and prayers are with you..
Big hugs x

Angela said...

I have been wondering how you were doing. I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling. My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you :) Try to take care of yourself.

Parsley said...

I appreciate your blog being 'real'..or at least as real as you can let it be. I'm sure there are other thoughts you hold back....

Thanks for the updates. I do hope things start turning around soon.

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry that things have been so tough on you lately. I am also very thankful that you have not stopped blogging. It's good for you to have a place to write what you're going through, but we also want to be here to support you. Keep your chin up and give that little boy the biggest hugs when you're feeling down.

Rita said...

(((((((((((Cathey)))))))))))))

You're in my prayers.

Valma said...

No please don't close your blog
it's good to have a place where you can empty your heart , knowing that people reading your words entirely share what you're going through and are with you against the illness...
And sometimes you have good news to share =)
let it open in sign of hope, for the day you will announce us this ... crab has gone away
Don't care about your hair , they will come back. Junior has not much and he is nothing but cute =)
(ho my don't publish this sentence if you consider that's not the right place to make some humour)
I think a lot of you
big big hugs
xxxx

Annette said...

Dear Cathey.. how terrible..
I really don't know what too say.
You body is not working with you at this point.
I so hope this chemo will work.
It needs to be.
I wish you many strenght!!I so hope you can keep up the spirit to fight this
Please don't stop blogging.. you will survive this.. and then you can craft and blog like you have never done before

Michelle-ozark crafter said...

I am standing right here with you thru this and I am praying.

Carolyn said...

Cathey,
awwww...This sucks...Don't close down your blog...I think you should keep it going...I'm glad you keep us updated on the good and bad...Plus, how would we know what Junior has been doing and how big he has gotten?...Keep us posted...We are HERE for YOU...That what makes blogging so wonderful...You get lots of support from family, friends, and even strangers...I will pray extra hard that this new Chemo takes most of the pain away so you can enjoy your moments with your husband and Junior...sending some gentle {{{Hugs}}} for a special friend...

Stitchinowl said...

Oh Cathey, I am sorry to hear your latest news. Please know that we are all praying for you.
Carolyn

ArchangelDecker said...

I found your blog through another one whilst I am out blog hopping today. I am so sorry to hear you are very ill right now. If you don't mind, I am adding you to my prayer list.


You may want to see if any of the area hospitals or even massage therapy places have a massage therapist that specializes in Manual Lymphatic Drainage massage. I know NS is a huge province and I am unsure where you are in it exactly :), however, the MLD massage will help with the lymph fluid backing up in your system during chemo.


Prayers and good thoughts that you get well soon! :)

Bonnie Brown said...

Sending you lots of good vibes. Hope this new stuff works for you.
BIG HUGGS!

~*Sharee*~ said...

I'm so sorry hun, I wish you felt better; please don't stop blogging; you have so many friends who care about you and we love hearing from you, "good or bad" were here for you hun...

Hugs, Shar

Cole said...

I'm in agreement with everyone else it seems... as much as it must be difficult sometimes to share, we're all here waiting... to cry with you, to laugh with you and to oooh and ahhh over Junior with you. Please don't shut down <3

I don't know where your stance is on religion, so I hope I'm not offending, but as cliche as it sounds, the Lord won't give you more than you can handle... but sometimes don't you just wish he didn't trust you SO DAMN MUCH?!?!

I hope our comments help bring a smile when you share... and I'm looking forward to seeing some of that stitching too! :)

Lesleyanne said...

So sorry to hear your news. I will continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Rhona said...

Hoping things improve for you. Don't stop blogging - it's probably very good for you to be able to write these things down. Take care!

Gabi said...

Cathey I am so sorry to hear about the latest news. I love to visit your blog, read about good and bad and of course about your little sunshine Junior.
Please don't close your blog, there are so many people who are behind you and will give you strength.
Never ever loose your faith, go on fighting!
I'll take you in my prayers.
Big hugs from Germany

Alberta said...

As devastating as your latest news is, I'm lifted up by the fight you have left. If anyone deserves a break,it's you. We are all keeping you in our thoughts and prayers as you do battle. Hair smair, except for a certain young man wondering way you're looking more like him! I can't wait to hear about those new hats you'll be sporting!!!!

I know you can kick cancer to the curb and we're all in your corner rooting you on to victory!

{{{Hugs}}}

Karen said...

Sending hugs your way. Love your positive attitude and will pray things are on the mend for you.

valerie said...

Oh I am so sorry to hear about your complications and lack of success with the first round of chemo. Keep fighting and blogging. We're here to support you and know that times can't always be happy. Sometimes times are tough and you need to share and write it out. *hugs*

Annie said...

I feel so bad for you reading this. I can't imagine how difficult this must be. Please keep blogging. We're all here for you to offer to listen and support you. Sending all the positive thoughts your way that I can.

Wendy said...

So sorry to hear that things have not been going well for you. Your blog is your space and gives us all a place to come and offer any support we can ~ you are in my thoughts and prayers. {{{hugs}}}

missy said...

Please don't close down your blog. I too love and admire the realness of your blog. YOU are your blog and in good times an din bad I support you. I know how you feel with putting your feelings out there and not being sure if it's the right thing but what's real is what your going through right now not just when things are good. I think you make so many of us stronger by sharing what you're going through and teaching us how to be brave.

Please know that there may be a time that we need you when are lives are upside down and knowing that someone cares makes a world of difference.

You are STRONG. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

BIG HUGS!!

Chocolates4Breakfast (TerriBoog) said...

I am so glad to see a post from you, Cathy even if it doesn't contain the best news. If you're posting, you're fighting and that's what I like to hear! You are in my prayers! Anything, anything at all, I can send you from the US (Michigan in particular) that might lift your spirits? Never mind that - would you send me your address and I'll find something! I want to, very much. Please send me your addy via my email.
Hugs to you, sweetie!
T~

Cath said...

Don't stop blogging , we aren't just here for the good times you know.
So sorry things are taking a bad turn at the moment . I am really hoping for some good news for you , and that the road you are on turns around and takes you to a good place. I don't pray , but think about you often, and wish for better things.
Fingers crossed that the new treatment has better effects.
I heard a saying once that I used to say to my (going bald) FIL .
God made a few perfect heads , and on the rest , he put hair . It made him smile ,lol as he was very self conscious of his head showing through.
Sending lots of love , hugs and good wishes your way .
Take care .XXX

Regina said...

Sending you thoughts of healing and strength and sending up prayers that you know you are not alone in this.

I think writing about our experiences is a sort of therapy and who doesn't need therapy!!

Hugs,
Regi

Brigitte said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this. I'm sending you all the positive thoughts that I have. Again and again.

Linda said...

Cathey, I am sending hugs and prayers your way. Hang in there, things will get better. Give that little one a hug for me.

Linda

Mouse said...

((((huge hugs)))) don't stop blogging as it is good to talk even if bad , it helps believe me ...
glad to hear you are managing to get some stitching done and looking forward to seeing the progress photos :)
has the postie been yet ?? love mouse xxxxxxx

Ranae said...

Cathey, so sorry you have to go through this all
I'm thinking good thoughts for you
(((((Hugs))))))

Stephanie M. said...

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I think you are so brave. Please don't shut down your blog, I really want to know how you are doing. All my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Like Terri posted before if you are able to send me your contact information, I would love to mail you something from California.

Stephanie,
Yorba Linda, CA

Mary Ann said...

((((Cathey)))) Keep fighting, and I will continue keeping you in my prayers.

Melanie said...

I'm so sorry to hear things are going so roughly and you have been feeling so poorly lately. Damn it, that makes so angry, that you have to go through this. It's not fair. :(
I would be bummed about the hair because it's winter. Brrr! Would feel so much nicer in the summer. Well, it will be one less thing to have to do everyday, right? Less focus on grooming means more time with Junior. Lots of good thoughts and prayers for you!!!!! *hugs*

Julie said...

My thoughts are prayers are with you xxx

Leslie said...

Big hugs and prayers from me Pumpkin!!!! You are so strong ~ keep fighting it and we will be here for you. : )

Robin said...

So sorry to read yet another turn for you. I have been a follower for a long time and not commented not knowing what to say to you. As long as your blog helps you get through this and come out on the other side, I say keep it. If blogging becomes a burden or a thief of your time, back off then. Use your blog some would journal. writing is very therapeutic. just think of all your worries and troubles traveling down your arm and onto the paper, or in this case, on to the keyboard. Sending you hugs and well wishes and prayers for you. I hope things start to go positive for you real soon.

capecodgirl565 said...

So sorry to hear that you are going through so much right now. There are many prayers being sent your way, and while I am sure it is very hard to stay positive, you are doing a remarkable job and I greatly admire your courage. Prayers and well wishes are on their way. Stay strong.

Sharon said...

Well sometimes blogs aren't a happy place-but that is real life. I am sorry things just seem to keep coming and sad that you can't truly enjoy your son's first year. Please don't stop blogging, we need to hear from you and we want to support you in spirit since we can't be there in person. Praying Cathey for your chemo to work and your symptoms to decrease or just plain old go away dammit! Oops, I probably shouldn't curse and utter prayers in the same sentence!

I know that you are going to hate losing your hair-but I am sure you will look pretty cute with or without a hat! {{{{hugs}}}}

April said...

Sending prayers your way. Hugs going out to you and your little family!

Kerry said...

I am praying for you and your family. God bless!
Kerry

Kathy A. said...

Honey. I am so very sorry. Please keep fighting. I will cheer you on every step of the way.

Siobhán said...

Cathey, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Blog when you can, don't blog if you don't feel like it, write what you want when you want. Know that we are thinking of you.

Chris said...

I hope that things become easier soon. I am so sorry that you are going to lose your hair wih this course of treatment. But just think you and junior will have the same haircut! I know that it will look great on you. He is so cute.
I am keeping your in my thoughts and prayers dear friend.

♥ Nia said...

Just sent you an email a few minutes ago!
Nope, your blog is not an unhappy place, it's life happening, it's this moment that you're dealing with right now.. I hope sharing a bit with your friends will help to unload the bad days.
And we always have the chance to see Junior updates and read his posts when he sneaks from mama ;) hehehe

Shannon Lathem said...

Cathey, you and your family and the little man are, as always, in my thoughts and prayers. *gentle hugs* Shannon

Carol said...

I hope you can feel the love and support pouring in from all over the world, Cathey! Darn this disease... I pray that the Chemo does kick in this time and you can deal with those awful symptoms. Please know you are always in my thoughts...

Rachel S-H said...

Cathey, I am so sorry. I wanted to let you know I appreciate the honesty with which you share your fight, and I admire your strength to keep fighting.

Myra said...

This just stinks Cathey. Do know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Maggee said...

I have had to walk away from this twice, it is so disturbing. You must know I am still praying for you, and that every single prayer is heard and answered. We just don't always see the results right away. I am so sorry that you have to endure so much unpleasantness. I know you can't lift Junior right now, but I am sure just looking at him lifts your spirits! Just look, look, look...He knows you love him. God be with you in this journey! Biggest Hugs!

Terri said...

Hugs and prayers!

Catherine said...

We are here for you!!! Sending many thoughts, prayers and hugs your way!

WendyCarole said...

I am so sorry Cathey. Thinking about you. xxxx

Tatkis said...

Big hugs and prayers!
May your courage be with you always!

Tatyana

Greg Patterson said...

Hi Cathey, It has been many years since we have seen each other at the lake or otherwise but I am sorry to hear you are struggling with this situation and I am rooting for you to beat this thing!

My mom has been giving updates as they come in from your dad. Please keep up the fight, and thinking of you...

xoxox

Cheers,
Greg.

Chiloe said...

Send you lots of hugs and love . ♥

MaryO said...

I am so sorry to hear of this. I know you will continue to fight and I hope your blog continues, however, you must do what is right for you and you must be exhausted by all the chemo, etc.

As I have stated before I am neither physician nor nurse, but I must ask, have you been considered for clinical trials? Or considered going to Sloan Kettering Hospital in New York? I know it's far away from where you are, but I know cancer patients (stage IV) who have been referred there with outstanding results.

Know that you and your family are in my daily prayers. luv. MaryO