Buy Ten, Get One Free?

I didn't know if I was going to write about this or not but after thinking long and hard about it, I have decided to. Why? Because 1) this post has been writing itself in my head all day and 2) I want to share my good news with friends and family :o)

Remember when I said I was trying to crawl out of a funk? Well, part of it was due to my annual mammogram that I had on October 22. As desperately as I tried not to think, worry or dwell on the appointment, it still had its usual impact on me. So much so that I thought I was going to pass out as I was driving to the hospital.

DH arrived minutes after I did, even though I told him I would be okay. He knows me better than I know myself and I was so grateful that he was there to comfort me. I was quite surprised when this mammogram went smoother than most and she didn't even have to call me back in. She warned me that it might take longer than usual to get the results and so I was prepared to wait until the end of November.

Yesterday morning, DH went to work and I was working at the computer when the phone rang. It was my doctor's office calling. She wanted to let me know that my mammogram came back fine :o) Wait a minute...wasn't yesterday Sunday? Yup. She took me by such surprise that I didn't even have time to let fear enter the picture. She was short and sweet and I hung up the phone with a smile on my face :o)

So...even though, technically, my anniversary date isn't until February 4, 2010, I just had my tenth mammogram and therefore that means that I have been cancer free for nine years, eight months and twenty-nine days! At first I was really happy and then the mixed emotions started. How can I be happy when so many other women are going through what I went through and even worse? Is it right that I am happy to have made it ten years?

The doctors always said that if I made it to five years, I would be okay; that my chances of a reoccurrence would be the same as anyone else. At the time (not knowing all the facts of my situation), that wasn't good enough for me. I wanted at least ten. I prayed for ten more years and if I was lucky enough to get that far, then I believed I would be fine. But it seems that my little mind doesn't think in easy or straightforward terms.

Yes, I have been one of the lucky ones and made it ten years without a reoccurrence. But...does that mean that next year when I have my eleventh mammogram, something will go wrong? All these years I was focussing on the tenth mammogram when in reality, maybe I should really be worried about the eleventh. DH's reaction? I've over thought the situation. And he's probably right.

I've been raking my brain trying to decide what to do for my tenth anniversary. DH says it's an important one and I agree. I commemorated my fifth anniversary with a pink ribbon tattoo above my ankle. For my eighth anniversary I held a Pink Party (which was a blast btw) but this warrants something bigger and better. Do I do something for myself or do I try to come up with something to help others? Again, I was one of the lucky ones. I had two Guardian Angels on my shoulders and if it weren't for my Gram and DH, who knows if I would still be here today. I owe them everything.

What do you think I should do? Am I premature in celebrating? Is it right that I want to be happy to have gotten through one of the worst things in my life? Put yourself in my shoes and share with me what you would do. Go as far out there as you want because I'm open to ideas :o)