Monday, April 02, 2007

Reign Over Me

After a terrible, terrible, terrible day on Thursday, DH surprised me and asked me if I wanted to go to the movies that night. At first I didn't think it was a very good idea, considering the mood I was in. Then I took a minute to think about whether I wanted to sit at home and mull over what a rotten day I had or go somewhere that was going to take my mind off the crappy news I had received. Hence...the movie idea won out. Plus, I couldn't pass up the chance to get a Coke slushie and some popcorn ;o)

DH and I had seen the trailer for Reign Over Me many times on television and that was our choice on Thursday night. I probably should have gone with a comedy but I figured I was already wallowing so I might as well be even more depressed. We were not disappointed with our choice though. What a powerful movie it was. If you are looking for action or a real thrill, this is not the movie for you. It did have its comedic moments but they were well placed within the movie. DH and I like Don Cheadle and Adam Sandler but both gave such tremendous performances that we love them all the more! You definitely walk out of this movie thinking...

...and thinking I did. The movie touched on how we deal with loss. What, we as a society, think is appropriate behavior when we loose something or someone that we love. The proper response, as dictated by society, is to grieve, lean on those around us for support and start living a normal life within an appropriate amount of time. Basically, we are supposed to go through the five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But what happens when someone chooses to grieve outside of this box or they become hung up on one of the five steps? They will be judged by those around them. The foreign behavior startles people and drives them even further away. They have no idea how to deal with it and in turn, alienation occurs.

But is it appropriate to grieve in our own way? I believe it is. Grieving is a process in itself. Do you scream and yell? Do you cry until you can't cry anymore? Do you just sweep your emotions under the carpet and try to forget about them? Some people take longer to get over a loss than others. There may be some that love so deeply that they literally think their heart will break. Then there are others that cannot seem to climb out of the depression that washes over them. Everyone deals with loss in a different way and to me that is acceptable. To me that is normal. That is part of what makes us unique :o)

How do I deal with loss? Not very good. I never have. I've had many losses in my life. I've had family, friends and animals pass away. I've lost jobs. I've lost control over aspects of my life. I've lost a breast. I've lost hopes and dreams. Some losses I have gotten over faster than others. Some losses I am still dealing with. Some, I have not dealt with at all. Is it healthy? Maybe not but it's the best way that I know how to deal with things. It's the best way that I know how to protect myself.

I think it all comes down to time. Time is the key factor. Take the time to grieve. Take the time to heal. Take your own time, not someone else's.


Jamie said...

{{{HUGS}}} If you want to email me I'll listen (or read). I'm glad you enjoyed the movie and the coke slushie! I'm sorry you had a crappy Thursday.

I want to see this movie very much, maybe I'll go this weekend with my nana or dad or someone. So with that... more {{{HUGS}}}

Faith Ann said...

Sorry about the rotten Thursday. Glad that Paul was able to suggest a nice evening for you both though. I can taste the popcorn now :)

I think there are some losses that even time cannot conquer. The pain gets duller, but the loss is always there.

Christine said...

This movie is also on my list of must-sees so thanks for your review.

Mary Ann said...

Cathey, (HUGS) I'm hoping today is a wonderful day for you!!

Shannon L. said...

Glad you got out to see a movie. How was the coke slushie and popcorn ? :) That is one movie I really would like to see - but I'm waiting for sunnier days. The trailers seem to evoke enough emotion. I'm glad to hear it'll be worth the wait. Thanks for the review.

You are right. We each need to grieve in our own way, on our own set path, at our own pace. No one is right or wrong. It just takes some patience to remember that from time to time.

Lili said...

This is a very wise post. I have been sick with depression since I was ten. The key is loss itself, but also the very fear of losing. I can never accept it. It makes me constantly afraid and angry. It prevents me from enjoying life because I always have that inner thought that says "enjoy cos' you might lose it tomorrow". Terrifying.
Take care, Cathey. You're not alone.