Sunday, September 16, 2007

The "Crap" Diet

Another one of my play on words. If you don't want to read any disgusting details, you might want to skip this post ;o)

Okay, so I've had some "problems" lately. My weight has gone down drastically and good food (fine food) no longer gives me the joy it once did. When we came home from grocery shopping yesterday morning, I noticed my pants falling down (yes, zipper and button were done up). The more I pulled, the farther down they would go. Basically, they would have come right off if I had kept going! LOL! Now don't get me wrong...I LOVE the fact that I have lost weight. For at least seven years now, I have been carrying more weight than I should have but my body would not allow me to loose weight, even when I tried. My dilemma, I got rid of all my smaller pants :oS

As I mentioned, food hasn't really done anything for me lately. The cravings are gone and even when I eat something it just passes right through. Do you want to keep reading???? ;o) My only concern is that it's happened so fast. I've lost a little more than 12 pounds in six weeks. I brought it up with my doctor last week and he recommended a blood test and...stool samples :oP When I picked up my "parcel" from the hospital I asked the nurse how "fresh" the samples had to be. I was afraid with my unreliable bowels that it might take awhile. I guess I can relax, take my time and brew up something really good ;o)

What has really caused a problem is the diet I have to go on for the next week or so. I've never been a fan of diets and I don't believe in them. I do, however, believe in proper eating and good food! This new diet has me eating LOTS of fiber, pork, chicken, fish, cooked fruit or vegetables. I cannot eat red meat (and that includes processed meats), liver (no worries there), raw fruits and vegetables. Hmmm... Do you see my problem? How am I going to avoid fruit for that long? I long for pineapple, grapes, oranges... Argh! So what does that leave me? Fiber. Okay, so I'm supposed to eat whole wheat bread all week? Anyone know of any high fiber foods that I can eat? Besides bran cereal people!

As of Monday, the collecting starts ;o) This should make for an interesting week. At least I will only poop in my own house (okay, that's a whole other topic!). DH has suggested that my "collection jars" should be isolated in the other bathroom. You mean seeing a jar of poop first thing in the morning isn't appealing? ;o) DH and I have also entertained the idea of just collecting Brie's poop and using it as my own. I wonder how that would turn out...

6 comments:

Shannon L. said...

Ah, this will be an experience you'll never forget. LOL And one you'll not care to repeat :) But hopefully it helps.

Good luck with the "diet".

Lori-Ann said...

OMGosh, you funny girl.
Shreddies, and Mini Wheats(strawberry,vanilla,and regular) A good "launching" source of fibre. No fail, lol.
hahaha...Imagine the look on a guest's face if they walked into your bathrrom of "preserves"!! rofl

Karen said...

oh fun poop patrol and you get to look at it in little jars fun!!!!!!
how about popcorn , brown rice, wholemeal pasta do you get tins of baked beans there? I hope everything is ok

Little Grey Cat said...

Make sure you label them well and they don't get mixed up with the choclate spread lol.

Lili said...

I relate to this very well... Though such problems haven't helped me lose weight...
Not much to advise you: you are such a funny soldier...
Hugs, Cathey!
Lili

Alberta ('Berta) said...

How can you be so entertaining through such an experience???? However you do it, keep it, it warms my heart. I do hope that 'everything goes along smoothly'!

Thanks for the smiles!