Thursday, June 13, 2013

Happy Birthday To Me!

Yesterday was my birthday. What did I get this year? A snotty cold from darling Junior and a new Chemo drug from my Oncologist :o) Aren't I a lucky girl? LOL!

Yes, you heard me right, I'm going to be going on 'another' Chemo drug :o( The last one wasn't showing results and in fact, the tumors on my chest have been getting worse. I know that usually the third time is the charm but maybe in this case it will be the fourth. Fingers crossed because my playing field is narrowing even faster. Sigh!

That's pretty much where we are at this point. I start my new Chemo (Caelyx) tomorrow and it will be once every four weeks. Oh how I pray that this will be the one to kick this cancer's ass! The tumors under the skin are very uncomfortable, not to mention ugly looking (but that's the least of my worries). The doctor is also going to send me back to the Radiologist for another consult so maybe we can fry some more of these 'things' off.

Since my last post, life has been full of ups and downs. My red count level went WAY down and I ended up with a blood transfusion :o( Not the first thing on my wish list but the doctors were worried that I wouldn't bounce back so easily as time went on. I was SO tired too! At least now I have a little oomph to my step. I have blood work again tomorrow so hopefully things will look much better.

I'm sorry that my last post was really dark but I needed somewhere to open up. After I posted it and talked to the Oncologist again, I realized I knew all along that there would be no cure. Nope, I have this thing for the long run :o( The only thing we can hope for are in-between periods were cancer doesn't rear its ugly head and I can try to live as close to a normal human being as I can.

It sure does put a new perspective on life. Now my thoughts are mostly about getting my affairs in order, how to teach DH my banking system, leave Junior something so that he'll remember his mother and learn new things about her, figure out where or if I want to be buried but most of all, how can I ease the pain I'm going to inflict on my family and friends when that day comes.

WHOA! Okay, we're getting way too dark and way too serious and I can't end this post like that. I promise I'll post some pictures soon :o) I have a new one of Roses Of Provence and I'm sure you all need your Junior fix since he's not in the monthly spotlight anymore. LOL!

To those of you who have emailed me or sent me birthday wishes, I want to thank you so much for thinking about me :o) My email is just too backed up right now so I apologize for acknowledging your thoughtfulness in a group. ((((HUGS))))

48 comments:

Annie said...

Hope this next treatment will have some good effect. I think about your often.

Another birthday is still a time for some happiness and I'm wishing a lot of it!

Parsley said...

It's okay to spill the good, bad and the UGLY here on your blog. What you are going through isn't pretty and you need to vent.

If thoughts could heal all our cumulative thoughts would have you well. Kow we care...

stitcheranon said...

Lets hope this one helps along with the radiotherapy. I know this is so tough: unbelievably tough but you are in our prayers and thoughts.

Christina said...

My dear friend, Happy Belated Birthday! I wish you many more birthdays to come. If there isn't a cure then there is a way to keep it at bay for as long as possible, I'm sure of it. My grandad 'managed' his leukaemia for many years and it was a heart attack that killed him, not the cancer. I'm sure you hear these 'stories' all the time, but I just wanted you to know.
You have given me (and I'm sure many others) a new perspective on life. The courage with which you continue to fight this horrible disease is admirable and I wish I had half your strength.
I look forward to your next post. I hope to hear good news about the latest chemo treatment and I look forward to more photos of Junior.
For somebody that I have never met you have made a big impression on me and I think about you often. :0)
Sending lots of love across the pond. xXx

Denise said...

Cathey - I think you are a long way from needing to worry about Junior not having his mommy. Take a breath. Your determination to beat cancer and this new drug may well work their magic together. Here's to 42 (that's right isn't it) being the year of recovery!

Marion Sutherland said...

Hope this next chemo .works!
I want to cry..seriously I do....
I also want to meet you!
Hugs to you and junior!!
And Happy Birthday!!!!

WendyCarole said...

Belated birthday greetings.
I hope the new treatment will help you.
xxx

Harmien said...

I can't tell you how many bad words are racing through my mind at the unfairness of you having to go through this. I hope you find the strength and the inspiration to do the things that are most important to you now. Sending big hugs your way!!

Vickie said...

Happy Belated Birthday Cathey! I just celebrated one this June also.
You are so brave Cathey. I am so proud of you. God bless you. Rest. Keep praying. I will keep lifting you up in prayer. All of you. ♥

Rossella said...

My name is Rossella I'm from Italy and I discovered your blog several months ago.I'm Always reading about your life but never commented because it was difficult to find the right words.It wasn't curiosity but days after days I became worried about you ,I've cried reading.the only thing I feel to say is please keep figthing, do it for your son, please! I pray for you because is the only thing I can do!!! I give you a virtual hug and please sorry for my english. ..and happy birthday!!!!!!!!Rossella

Cath said...

You had me in tears again.
Sorry I missed your birthday (didn't know) but hope you enjoyed the day with Junior even so.
Fingers crossed that this chemo helps.
Love n hugs .XXX

Stitchy Mc Floss said...

You always give me so much to think about when I read your posts. I hope you know that by sharing your life with us we can all learn. Thank you for that. You should most certainly use your blog as a place to express what ever emotions you have, don't hold back, let it rip girl, we are all here for you.

Praying in agreement that the new drug will kick some cancer a$$!

((hugs))

Melanie said...

Happy Birthday!
I do hope this new treatment works for you. *hugs*
I really do keep you in my thoughts, trying to support you from afar. As always, I just wish I could do more. :(

cucki said...

Happy happy birthday ❤❤❤
Thinking of you so much x

Cole said...

Well Happy Birthday lady!!

My fingers are crossed for you that this new treatment plan will bring positive results.

HUGS!

Linda said...

Happy Birthday Cathey. Don't give up, there could be a cure out there somewhere for you. Sending hugs and happy thoughts your way.

Linda

Angela P said...

Happy Belated Birthday Cathey. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers....keep on fighting Pumpkin Jr. needs his Mom for as long as possible :) Best of luck with this new chemo treatment, I hope it will provide some relief.

diamondc said...

Good luck on the new treatment you never know if it will work or not unless you give it a try, I still say a prayer for you everyday.
I am sad that the news is grim, but you are still here and that says a lot.
Now I will sing happy birthday to you
Hapyy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear Cathey happy birthday to you, now I have to run the dogs in the neighborhood are howling and I think the neighbors have called the cops thinking I am in pain I donot sing well.
Blessings my dear friend.

Gert said...

Oh honey, I think of you often. I pray this next treatment will be the "charm"... Yes, I miss pictures of your little guy...he is soooo precious!

Happy late birthday my friend..always love reading your posts...and I really do understand the dark posts..

Blessings,
Gert

Katie said...

Just remember, this is for the LONG run, and we're going to stretch this puppy out :) We have too much to do!! I find hope in seeing others in stage 4 living, Jill Brzezinski-Conley is very inspiring, and you are and always will be :)

~*Sharee*~ said...

Happy Birthday hun, I hope you had a wonderful day w/your hubby and Jr. I pray for you everyday and sure hope you can kick cancers butt!! Take care..

Hugs, Shar

Carol said...

Happy Birthday, sweet Cathey... I wish I could make things better for you, I really do.

I'm sitting here in tears right now and I know you don't want us to cry, but I can't seem to help it. I hope and pray that you will have more birthdays ahead than you ever dreamed possible... You are such a special and brave person, my friend. Keep on fighting--I am in awe of your bravery and I hope and pray that this new chemo helps...

Sending you my love and support--always.

Shelly said...

Junior! Junior! Well if no monthly pics of him, how 'bout quarterly pics, for the rest of his life? Lol! Happy Birthday with many more to come. Having had too much experience with that bad C, the best thing is to just talk. Good to see a post from you. Take care!

Catherine said...

Wishing you the best birthday ever! I can't really add anything more to what the others have said ~ just know that there are continuous thoughts and prayers headed your way!

Lesleyanne said...

Happy belated birthday. Keeping my fingers crossed the new drug works.

Mouse said...

HAPPPYYYYYYYY BIRTHHHDAYYYYYY .... would sing it but I can only croak ... seems I have come down with the same cold as you ..lol ...*passes balsam tissues and a lemsip
paws and everything else crossed that this one does the trick and helps ease everything a wee bit ...
looking forward to seeing the photos :)
HUGS xxxx love mouse xxxx

Julie said...

Belated birthday {{hugs}}
You are in my thoughts and prayers often.
You've taught your little guy something special, the art of sharing everything you have with those you love the most. Much love xxx

stitcheranon said...

I read the comments above and I think you must realise by now how loved you are. Now, no more soppy stuff. The mind is a powerful thing. It sounds like your team are on the ball and are trying new things so that is hopeful. You lady have to make sure your mentally up to this: if you decide it is crap and give up then the body will follow. Live for today: that is all anyone can do. Take joy in every smile your little boy gives you and every rude joke hubby comes out with. Laugh and live honey: I know you feel like crap but you feel and that is so important. Placebos have been proven to work because the mind tells the body it is working; I am just telling you this to illustrate the power of the mind. Your mind sadly cant cure it but it can sure as hell say today I am here, today I will life. You are doing what I did; organising stuff and that is good. It isnt morbid: we are mothers, it is what we do. Make sure everyone is ok. It means we are still in control. As I said before we are never guaranteed tomorrow, not one of us. So stop worrying about tomorrow. Make today count: really count. We are all supporting you: we are all holding your hand: we are all there for you. Now, just for today, kick cancers arse; take its power away by concentrating on the amazing things going on around you. Make memories, photos, little letters if they help you cope but deal Just with Today. Tomorrow will sort itself out: we live today xxxxx (((((((hugs))))) And we all love you very very much

Christina said...

Happy Belated Birthday! I hope you will see some positive results with your new treatment. I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.

Chris said...

Happy Birthday Cathey!
I hope that this new treatment puts you in a good place. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it will shrink those pesky tumors, you have to many other things to do.
I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Tatkis said...

Happy birthday, my dear friend!
May this year bring your lots of happy moments and health and good news!

Hugs,
Tatyana

MaryO said...

Happy Birthday dear Cathey!

It ain't over till it's over as the old saying goes. Never underestimate the power of medicine - this new drug could turn corner for you - I'm praying for it daily. Love, prayers and healing thoughts from San Pedro, CA MaryO

Gabi said...

Hi Cathey, hope the new chemo works.
Good thoughts and gentle hugs sent from Germany.
I am always happy when I see a new post from you!
Sorry, but I didn't know your birthday, wish you all the best.
Big hugs

capecodgirl565 said...

Never feel sheepish about sharing your dark days with so many who are praying for you each and every day. I would no doubt be in a nuthouse, so you are the bravest of the brave in my book. I have seen many loved ones live with cancer for many, many years due to one major factor...attitude. They all kept a positive outlook and it worked wonders. Stay strong, every time you look at Jr. tell the cancer it isn't going to take you away from him, it isn't strong enough. Prayers that the new chemo and radiation will work it's magic, you are in my prayers daily, and Happy Birthday a day late! Post your progress with your treatment so we can continue lifting you and your family up in prayer.

Michelle-ozark crafter said...

What you say I do not think of as dark at all! It is hard, cold truth! My Uncle is making recordings of stories and things from his life for family to remember him buy. He has bladder cancer that returned and spread and soon he will be leaving us. maybe you could make some recordings for Junior. Praying for you.

Michelle-ozark crafter said...

Forgot to say happy belated birthday!

Alberta said...

Cathey, each and every day is a gift to be enjoyed and shared.

Stay true to yourself. Do what you need to do to have peace of mind and laugh as often as you can.

It's not the years in your life, it's the life in your years!

Have a blast - have dessert first!

{{{hugs}}}

Carolyn said...

Cathey,

Happy Belated Birthday!

I'm keeping you in my prayers that this new chemo treatment works.

You are a strong women. I applaud you for being able to share your feeling and thoughts through this process.

Please know that your not alone and your words and positive attitude is helping someone out there who may be going through the same thing.

Don't stop being "YOU". You are a fighter!

Can't wait to see Roses of Provence and yes I do need a Junior fix!

Lots of gentle hugs coming your way!
Carolyn



















Michelle said...

Hello - I too feel I have to comment on your post. I have been reading your blog for the past 15 months or so and feel I need to say to you that you are by far the bravest woman I know right now and you little man is so so blessed to have your as his mom. Love and hugs to you from across the poind - Michelle x

Annette said...

happy belated birtyhday.. wished you had a better birthday..
we can always hope the next one will be a better one.. hope this new chemo really will kicks the cancers ass

many strength wishes for you

Myra said...

Happy belated birthday! I do hope this new treatment works and isn't too rough on you. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Sally said...

Happy Belated Birthday dear Cathey.

I hope this new treatment is the one that works.you deserve a break. Thinking of you xx

Jeanne said...

Another belated birthday wish here as I catch up on blog reading. Dear Cathey you have so many people who have never met you but are so concerned about you and wishing you every moment of happiness you can find. I hope these new drugs help. I'm not a very religious person and really struggling with why such bad things happen to people and why so many have to suffer through so much. I have a sibling that is likely to have to assisted living soon and I am so angry/sad/heartbroken I don't know where to turn. I so admire how you keep going with this struggle. I guess there are no real answers except that "life is unfair". We have to grab every bit of the good days that we can.
{{hugs}}

Valma said...

I keep my fingers crossed and just as Mouse said everything that can be crossed
we're all hand in hand, all around the world behind you, supporting you
don't give up sweetie
it's forbidden =)
you're only allowed to write it here, it helps dark ideas going away
Roma hasn't been built in one day ...you're strong and you'll win
Can't wait to see your pictures
Lot's of love just for you
big hugs
xxxx

Rita said...

((((((Cathey)))))

♥ Nia said...

Medicine doesn't always work as we want, sometimes it fails. But sometimes it also brings unexpected results and wonderful miracles! I have faith that this 4th round will be your miracle =)
Stay strong my friend, never lose your will ♥

Maggee said...

Happy Belated Birthday Cathey! Wish I could find your address... or that you would send it to me, again! Junior is still a cutie--but not such a baby anymore... By now you have had a new chemo treatment. Will pray for the very BEST results! Hugs!

Olga said...

Happy Belated Birthday, Cathey!
You are an amazing person.
I often think about you and do hope your new treatment works. Keep on your fighting!
Hugs!