LOL! You heard me right :o) I didn't think I was going to post about it on my Blog but hey, I've already covered farts, snot and underwear, so why not add to the list?
As some of you may know, I had breast cancer back in 2000. I had a radical mastectomy of the right breast followed by a saline implant. Because they removed so much tissue, there wasn't much for the plastic surgeon to work with so I was given a Fake Right B Boob (FRB) and my Real Left Boob (RLB) was reduced down to a B as well :o) Well, over the years my weight has fluctuated and of course with weight gain we all know it can add itself to any part of your body. That and gravity :o( Some of mine was added to RLB.
I never really gave the mismatch much thought. I was just happy that it looked like I had two real boobs. I doubt that anyone off the street, that didn't know me, would be able to guess otherwise. But, as 2007 started, I began to notice a big change between FRB and RLB. In the colder weather I only had one nipple and in the warmer weather I was lopsided. LOL! Talk about a dilemma! On top of that, trying to find a bra that fit was a nightmare! I couldn't find the one I was wearing anymore and most of the bras out there had under wires and are designed for two boobs that are somewhat symmetrical. When you can actually "see through" your bra, you know it's time for a new one ;o)
I knew I probably wouldn't find what I was looking for in the regular stores so I started investigating mastectomy products. Going with a breast prosthesis after my surgery was something I never even considered. The thought of carting around a heavy, jelly beanbag didn't thrill me at all. Then, about a month ago, I finally got the nerve to call and see what they had to help my unique, or so I thought, situation.
Well...let me tell you, they have quite the array of products! They have your full breast, partial breast, bras and yes, even nipples :o) DH was quite excited about the last one, dreaming of different areas on one's body to attach them to. LOL! For me, I needed something that was going to increase the size of my FRB so I went with a breast prosthesis that looks like a full breast but it has an indent in the back of it for my bump to fit into. I could not believe the difference when I tried it on. I actually looked like I had a "full rack" again ;o) I can even shift it around in different angles, lol!
Now the bras are something else. I don't ever recall having a bra that fit so well! The only difference, compared to a regular bra, would be the two "front pockets" for the prosthesis and the price. You think a Warner's bra is expensive... I joked with the girls about my new bras, commenting that I could use the pockets to smuggle floss across the border ;o) Once I have the prosthesis and the bra on, I don't even notice it. The weight disappears. It's almost fun to stick out my boobs now. Hee, hee!
The thing that shocked me the most was that Blue Cross covered the prosthesis 100% but would not cover the bras at all. Do they even understand? I mean, how am I supposed to wear my fake booby when I've got nothing to attach it with? It just seems weird. But guess what? I can have a new boob every two years! Imagine that ;o)
This whole experience just seems so funny to me. When I went and picked up my prosthesis, I ended up taking the wrong size home. Do you know how odd it sounds to call up and say that you got the wrong boob in the box???? How can you keep a straight face when they tell you that your new boob has a two-year guarantee???? I asked the girl if there was a maximum mileage as well ;o) You know, the five-year guarantee or 100,000 miles.
I hope I have not offended anyone with this post because that is not the purpose at all. This blurb was meant to be lighthearted and funny and something that I want my friends, family, readers to enjoy reading :o) I know all about the deep impact that breast cancer can have on oneself but I refuse to sit in a corner and feel sorry for myself. I don't mind talking or joking about my experiences, in fact, I hope that someday I can help someone out there that is going through the same thing. The boobs don't make the woman...our souls make us who we are.